Fidelity

The definition of fidelity seems to get blur along the line. Some who practice it says it is ok as long as you treat your partner the same way as before the affair. As someone who believes strongly in a monogamous relationship, I try to be open-minded with this issue. It is because you believe to be immune from this virus and it would never happen to you. So I guess as long as it doesn’t affect me then I’m ok with it. However, fate is something that you can’t predict. No matter how hard you try to live your live following the lines of rules, it doesn’t mean that you are excluded.


When you suspect that the infidelity issue happens in your own backyard, only then you started to hate the notion why some people unable to stay faithful. Why is it not enough? Why do we fell compelled to do it just because nowadays society seems to be doing it? Why are we willing to make our partner suffers.



Granted, that I am single, free from all the issues that come with a relationship. But it makes me wonder, why bother? Is it a necessity to be involved with someone knowing that you're going to get hurt. Of course there the saying that says, better to be loved than never known love. Still it makes me wary about getting involved. Maybe that is why I’m still dragging my feet when it comes to the topic of finding someone. Even when I’m hit with desperation still I’m unable to accept just about anyone who is nice enough to me and wants to be with me because I don’t want to settle with just anyone. For the reason that I’m afraid that I might be the one who’s going to be infidel.

Uncertainty

I don’t know of what to think. I try to understand what my true feelings are but failed. Few weeks ago I thought that I give up on trying finding a partner and yet few days ago I was speculating on my chances on a particular guy. Yesterday I revealed to a friend that I feel like a failure. I have no personal life, no career prospect and it seems that I’m losing faith. A dangerous thing it is about faith, I don’t want to mess up the general order of life by tempting faith but it seems that I’m unable to shake the feeling out of me. Maybe my hormones are running amok because it’s almost time for that particular period in each month. Today I feel lousy. I’m tired, not physically, mentally. When would it be I’m going to see that silver lining that everyone’s talking about? At this moment I feel so lost already in this cloud of darkness of uncertainty. The bottom line is that ‘I am scared’. My future seems so vague and gloom and I don’t know what to do except wait.