Power-Out

February 22nd, 2009 – Sunday (1430)

Power out! I’m hoping that it won’t be long because the laptop juice is already half-way through. I and my younger siblings are obviously bored. All three of us are at the porch cause its hot inside. The youngest is driving the Pajero at the side ‘lawn’ while my younger sister listening to music on her hand-phone while reading a book that I bought her yesterday.

I really have nothing to talk about except keep update on the current situation with the ‘men’ in my life…hahaha, yeah right. Both men no longer held any interest to me. Don’t really know what happen. Though I still think of them occasionally but I seem to accept the fact that they are really not available for me and also the thrill is no longer there.

All these changes of heart got me thinking about a program that I once saw on Discovery Channel. It was about how our smelling sense affect our ‘feeling’ in regards to finding a partner. Currently, I’m having a bad case of flu + fever + sore-throat. If the flu block my ability to smell the ‘pheromone’ that responsible for the attraction factor, then it could explain why both men does not hold any interest in me. Seriously, just days earlier, I was so into them and keep taking a secret glance at them. However, yesterday, I barely look at their direction.

Maybe, Science really has an answer to all of our primitive behavior. We rely on our senses in finding that someone in our life. It made me think, what sort of smell appeal to me? I love food, so should my man smell of grill-chicken? Hehehe…I am seriously bored. Why else would I be thinking of man, smell and food in the same sentence? The power is back on. Time to start watching tv again and stop thinking about this ridiculous stuff

Disappoinment

Thursday - 19th February 2009

I am so disappointed! It turns out that there is a high probability that he’s married. A friend of mine saw him in a car with kids in it. Either they are his or not, we have to wait and see. However, before this news were told to me I was thinking to myself, would I really want to be involved with him if it turns out that he’s interested in me also? For a few moments, doubt fills my mind. Like any other ‘interest’ I had in the past, a moment of doubt always colored my judgment. I can’t remember what decision I reached moments ago before I received the news. But the fact that I had my doubt might lead to this turn of event. Maybe I am not ready to be with anyone no matter how desperate I want to be with someone. Let pretend that maybe the kids are not his. And he turns out to be single and available; would I still want to pursue him? To be honest, I am scare of the possibilities of it and yet I need to face that fear. Even if it’s not going to work out, I need to at least try. Our first telephone conversation could be a disaster and we decide to stop there and then; at least I give it a shot.

Why is it that lately I’m always attracted to the married kind? Is it because my taste has evolved to the mature type? I really don’t know what to do about it. Is there a cure? Will I be interested in guys that are in my own age group? What are the chances of me finding a mature guy that is single and available? I want my status to change this year, if can before I turn 27 years old. I want to be with somebody that I care and cares about me in return, without much complication.

I really can’t shake the feeling of being disappointed. First it was that guy, sensing already that he’s not available and yet still I put up hope until to the point that he ignored me. I guess he knows about my feeling hence why he was compelled to treat me that way. Only after my ego was bruised by the brush-off did I turn my attention to this other guy. And now it turns out that he’s also not available. It seems my luck with men lately is on the down-side. In order to cheer myself up I said to myself that a better guy is just around the corner for me. All I need to do is to be patient just a little bit longer. Just hold-on a little bit more until we both reach that intersection where our paths cross each other. Could it be? Is he really out there/ is he really for me? Will he be the one? That final one for me that lasted in marriage, kids and living our old days together?

Guy Problem

I always - kinda- complain about how it was easy for me to 'fall in' and equally easy 'fall out' of it. Always tought of it as a 'burden' as I'm unable to stay focus on one guy for a long period of time. But recently, I couldn't wait to fall-out of with the latest guy I'm having an attraction with. I'm 99.99% sure that he's not available for me. It's hard to explain how I feel towards him but while I was waiting my car's turn at a car-wash shop, I wrote down what I likes about him. After I finish one whole page of my notebook, I realize that I had let the toughts of him to occupy my mind, time and energy and it just not worth it.

The one thing I realize about me is that I have the tendency to make things complicated especially when it comes to men. Why do I always fall for those that I cannot have? I feel like crying sometimes. Back from the office earlier today I took a tour around town instead of the usual route I always use when going home. Part of me just wants to drive around as I listen to sentimental songs, it helps me to sing along the love-hate-pain type of song. To be honest, part of the reason why I took the long route was because I was hoping that I came across him on the road. How pathetic can I be? Knowing that I cannot be with him but still hoping for...something.

Peace & Save da World & Personally needing HELP; xoxo

Treats 4 My Family @ Nurizna Restaurants

My Cuzs

da Uncles

da family Matriarchs

Sampat posing while 2gu giliran

ai amit...kn mcek meja sbalah mliat byk lg kh nda dri meja kita?

Amir...my youngest nephew

Tasik Lama 27/01/2009

What's the different between hiking and tracking?hmm.... Anyway, I went to Tasik Lama last tuesday, that will be the 3rd time this month and this time we went to the 1st hill but using the short-cut road..hehe, mbuyuk plang tu but nalih jua.

view on da way down

However, i was 'sot-of' complaining about the climb, told my friends that I'm going straight to Pasar Malam Gdg after that and buy tungking + kebab + burger. I guess while i talk about the delicous-ness of da food, durang bpun tesliur and one thing leads to another and we end up having dinner @ i-Lotus...lolz. Mcm na pedah rsanya kmi excersie ah...kekeke

Family Treats on 21/01/09

My big bro had been nagging me bila kn blanja, so finally i took them out for dinner. It was ok lah, da menu not so great. Kata org ikut nasib, kdg nyaman ia kdg nda. We're not lucky dat evening, i guess...

Diz pics taken after da dinner, while lepak-ing outside

My eldest sis & fmily

My 2nd sis & fmily + my mom (in pink)

err...supose 2b my bro & fmily but diz r da only proof of them being there. My 3 nephews were hard to control, they make that place as if their own. Imagine sja, durang lari2 rah dining area atu, kmi plang yg ijap..bek jua nda rmai org

Penyakit Lama

In a heartbeat I saw his face today. It was clear - VERY clear. At a second look it was one of the office guy, does not even come close to a resemblance. I blame it on our brief chatting last friday night. I don't know what else to say about this.

Peace & Save da World; xoxo